How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
