The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he thought i was a dude.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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