No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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