Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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