yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
