I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
