oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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