drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
