I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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