Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
