Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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