My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
