I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Randomize
