Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can't turn off my feet"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We're too hungover to prance.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
