Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
