2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
