you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
