He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
