I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
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I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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