there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
