You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
