When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
They are going to name an STD after you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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