If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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