You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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