I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
