so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
