So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
