A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.