If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
