my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
