Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
