That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
