he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
