the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
