Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
