There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
