i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
