Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They took my balls.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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