Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
