dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
