I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
