make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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