Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
