Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
