Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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