it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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