Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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