So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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