Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There r osticjed everywhere
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So much rum. So many feels.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
