Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
