My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
