She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
