Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
