He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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