You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
