That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
