i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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