Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
and she was petting her beer can
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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