My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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