He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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