Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
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I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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