I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
