you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize