I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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