I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
