Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
