it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
