Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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