How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
