Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
