My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
